Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize