just tell him i said nine months
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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