There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
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Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize