just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize