look no pants
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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