I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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