Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize