I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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