so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize