i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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