ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize