I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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