Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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