: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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