ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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