So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
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You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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