And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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