I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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