just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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