We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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