everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize