he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You are the jesus of drinking
Terrible idea I love it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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