I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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