im drinking this country out of the recession.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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