dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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