I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize