Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize