i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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