She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i've created a new STD.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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