I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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