My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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