is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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