dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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