I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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