proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize