Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have post one night stand depression
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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