those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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