So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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