Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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