I hate all girls vehemently.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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