May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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