i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize