So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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