Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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