I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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