hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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