did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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