I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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