I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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