omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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